Incrustation of Immobility: Unyielding Masonry Construction
In a raw, unfiltered display, the lines below are penned from the depths of turmoil and apprehension. This piece, crafted years ago, isn't for the faint-hearted. At first read, it may seem like a chilling account of demonic possession, but for me, it served as a repository for my own fear—specifically, my fear of performing.
Peek behind the curtain, and you'll find a hidden aspect that most folks are oblivious to. They don't see it because I keep it concealed. It's not fully me. It's not the essence of who I am, but it yearns to be. At times, I admit it's tempting to let it take the spotlight too. That's what makes it so terrifying.
It is constantly lurking within the shadows, whispering in my ear with sinister suggestions—things I'd never dare to entertain. I fight tooth and nail to shut it out, lest I yield to its siren song and embrace it. I become its puppet as it takes control—as I become the puppet master.
Battling this unseen predator is an endless, seemingly fruitless struggle—a war without an end. Yet, I find comfort in realizing that we are as imprisoned by each other as we are entwined in torment... and perhaps, even in moments of elation.
Every now and then, I can feel its presence, just beneath the surface—warm, watchful, snarling. A moment of weakness, and it would be free to wreak havoc, infect, and soil not just me, but the world around us. I can sense its hunger, and if I don't stay vigilant… I might give in to its demands.
Escape is impossible—only a perpetual cycle of anguish remains. For both of us.
When I close my eyes, I see it lurking within me—like a comforting blanket in the dark. My distorted reflection—the shadow that follows me step by step—my corrupted soul, twisted and broken. Blacker than death, darker than night, and yet it brings a smile to my face.
The relentless struggle leaves me drained. This must be punishment. What did I do to deserve this? The question rings in my head like a deafening white noise, drowning out all senses, causing me to lose grip as my fingernails tear through flesh and bone.
Boiling blood. Exploding thoughts. Screams that pierce the heavens themselves—yet, silence. I'm the forsaken one.
The noise fades away. Blood smears my hands. My skull throbs with every heartbeat.
"What have I done to myself?" I cry, collapsing to the ground, succumbing to the darkness. I welcome it—the pain, the anguish, my anchor, my beacon.
I smile as I slip into the abyss.
The thing has me in its clutches—barbed wire, bones pierced, no pain, only dread. It rips someone apart while I twist, frothing at the mouth, consumed by rage.
And when I fight it, I become it. Only to realize, it's myself I would be dismantling.
I wake up, eyes wide, breathing labored, tears streaming. The wall is broken, the thing is loose, and it feels good.
Twisting thoughts. Becoming me. But I resist. I close my eyes…and I build.
Brick by brick, I construct a fortress, pushing it back into the darkness, suppressing the beast, regaining control.
But the beast is always there, just beyond the wall, waiting, watching, snarling, growling, clawing. And when I look in the mirror now...I see myself. Looking back at the shadow.
And I don't know why, but that makes me smile.
In the realm of personal growth and mindfulness, the struggle with this inner adversary can be likened to a therapeutic battle. Its continued existence is a constant reminder of the need for mental-health therapies-and-treatments.
Life's complexities often require an integrative approach, encompassing both health-and-wellness and lifestyle. To combat the feel of darkness, one can seek solace in the balance of studying science and nurturing a health-and-wellness journey, while also embracing the simplicity of fashion-and-beauty as a form of self-care.
With every victory against the inner beast, a sense of self-improvement is achieved. This journey can be viewed as a unique, powerful story that intertwines with the broader human experience, demonstrated through various aspects of our lives, including lifestyle, mental-health, and even our fashion-and-beauty choices.
