Confessions of a Mistress: Christine's Three-Year Affair with a Married Man: "We lived a secret life"
Family patriarch's secret lover speaks up: "Living dual existence" - Living a dual existence: Christine's confession on affair with her father.
Authored by Katharina HochDuration: 4 minutes
This piece originates from stern's archive, first published in December 2023.
The toughest moments were when the phone would ring, and his wife would call. If we were just lounging on the couch at my place, a WhatsApp message from her would pop up and he'd say to me, "Gotta take this." It was bloody hard. But as time went by, I adapted—I became a pro at suppressing my feelings.
I was in my late thirties, newly divorced, and reveling in my freedom when I met him. He was captivating, charismatic, and hilarious. We chatted over coffee or meals, or just exchanged a quick phone call. It was really enjoyable. Then he spilled the beans—he was married. My initial reaction: "I've got to bolt."
I pulled back, but then he reached out once more. I felt flattered by his relentless pursuit. We picked things up again, drawing closer, and that's when our illicit relationship began.
Looking back, I realize my self-worth wasn't in top shape during that time, and this whole thing had a certain appeal—a rush that made me feel invincible. The notion of a harsh crash afterward didn't cross my mind.
- Illicit relationship
- Involvement
- Infidelity
- Double life
The Hidden Costs of Secret Liaisons
Implications for the Unfaithful Partner:
- Feelings of Guilt: Maintaining a double life can lead to constant feelings of guilt and shame.
- Perpetual Anxiety: The fear of getting caught and the stress of balancing two lives creates an ongoing state of anxiety.
- Emotional Exhaustion: The strain of leading a double life can drain emotional resources, causing chronic stress and exhaustion.
- Loss of Identity: Prolonged deceit may result in losing touch with one's true values and self.
- Relapse: There's a risk of falling back into old, destructive habits even after recovering, hindering genuine transformation.
Impact on the Betrayed Partner:
- Grief and Loss: The end of the relationship often triggers feelings of loss, lamenting not just the relationship but also trust, self-worth, and precious time.
- Anxiety, Depression, and PTSD: The trauma of infidelity can result in anxiety, depression, and PTSD symptoms.
- Diminished Self-Esteem: The betrayed partner may question their worth and subsequently struggle with feelings of inadequacy.
- Mistrust and Insecurity: Betrayal shatters trust, leading to ongoing insecurities in both current and future relationships.
- Reassessment of the Past: The discovery of infidelity can disrupt the betrayed partner's perspective of personal history, leading to bitterness and regret.
Consequences for the Affair Partner:
- Internal Conflict: The affair partner's conscience may hound them with guilt, leading to self-doubt and shame.
- Double Betrayal Trauma: If the affair partner is a close friend or confidant of the betrayed partner, the agony of betrayal is intensified, resulting in feelings of isolation and confusion.
Summary Table: Long-lasting Impact
| Person Affected | Psychological Effects ||------------------------|-------------------------------------------|| Unfaithful Partner | Guilt, anxiety, emotional exhaustion, lost identity, relapse || Betrayed Partner | Grief, anxiety, depression, PTSD, insecurity, diminished self-esteem, recalibration of personal history || Affair Partner | Internal conflict, self-doubt, shame, double betrayal trauma |
Final Thoughts
The emotional toll of a secret romance often lingers for a long time. It can affect one's sense of self, trust, emotional well-being, and capacity to build healthy, lasting relationships in the future. The healing process typically requires time, professional support, and self-reflection.
- In the realm of community policies, implementing measures to address the emotional toll of secret liaisons and their impact on individual well-being could be beneficial for promoting a healthier lifestyle.
- For employers, adopting an employment policy that supports employees dealing with the aftermath of infidelity might contribute to improved health-and-wellness and fitness-and-exercise among the workforce.
- Science could delve deeper into the effects of secret liaisons on relationships, marriage, and family life, uncovering insights that can inform future lifestyle choices and relationship decisions based on love-and-dating.
