- Written by Laura Hindelang
- ~ 8 Min
Parental alienation in divorce situations: "Underhanded tactics are employed" - Manipulation in Blended Families: "Playing Dirty" When Step-Parents Are Targeted by Ex-Spouses' Children
Originally published in May 2023.
The split of parents is stressful enough for children on its own. When a brand new partner or significant other suddenly appears, a stranger to the child, it can exacerbate the stress. Children are suspicious and uneasy. They fear losing their mother or father to this unknown person. Some children view the new relationship as a personal threat to their own relationship with their mother or father. Often, they see the stranger as a rival to the biological parent. This can lead to the child's sense of justice preventing them from accepting the new individual in their mom or dad's life. And matter worsens when the parent turns the child against their ex's new partner.
Suddenly, the child is sucked into a whirlpool of different interests and emotions, with at least one parent consciously or unconsciously manipulating - putting their own interests above those of their son or daughter. The child is faced with an unbearable situation: a loyalty conflict. Stefan Rüücker, family psychologist specializing in child protection, clarifies why such behavior endangers a child's well-being and offers advice on how everyone involved can best navigate the situation.
- Separation
- Divorce
- Kids
- Boyfriend/Girlfriend
- Romantic Relationship
The Parental Struggle
The introduction of a new romantic partner can generate mixed feelings for children. They may feel that the new person is encroaching on their relationship with one parent or is a competitor to the biological parent. These feelings can lead the child to resist accepting the new partner. Moreover, the situation becomes even more fraught if one parent manipulates the child against the new partner of their ex-spouse.
Stefan Rüücker, a family psychologist with expertise in child protection, sheds light on the potential repercussions of such actions for a child's well-being and discusses the best strategies for all parties to handle the situation.
Tips for Naturally Integrating a New Partner
- Open Dialogue Developer an open dialogue with your child. Create an environment where they feel secure sharing their feelings and concerns regarding the new partner[2].
- Consistency and Stability Provide consistency and stability in your child's life. A stable environment can help alleviate the chaos that often comes with changes in the family dynamic[2].
- Gradual Adjustment Allow your child time to adjust to the new family member. The process may be slow, and it's essential to show patience while maintaining a constant routine[2].
- Therapy and Support If your child struggles with emotional difficulties or resistance towards the new partner, seek the help of a professional, such as a family therapist. A therapist can assist your child in processing their feelings and developing strategies for coping[2].
- Prevent Parental Alienation Observe potential behaviors that may lead to parental alienation, where a child unreasonably rejects or refuses contact with a parent. This can be a result of the other parent's actions[3][4][5]. Ensure that both parents maintain positive relationships with their child and refrain from speaking negatively about each other.
- Quality Time with Both Parents Ensure that your child spends quality time with both biological parents. This can help preserve the child's relationship with both parents and minimize resentment towards new partners[5].
- Establish Boundaries and Expectations Clearly state expectations and boundaries regarding the child's interaction with the new partner. This helps create a sense of normalcy and respect within the household[2].
By adhering to these strategies, parents can work towards mitigating the situation effectively and fostering a more positive environment for their children.
- The community policy should include guidelines for parents, addressing the introduction of new partners after a divorce to ensure the well-being of children, considering the uncertain feelings and potential competitors children might perceive in these new individuals.
- In the context of health-and-wellness, mental health professionals like Stefan Rüücker emphasize the importance of open dialogue and gradual adjustment as part of the employment policy in working with families navigating new romantic relationships, especially in the aftermath of a divorce to avoid putting children in loyalty conflicts.
- When formulating lifestyle advice, family dynamics experts often recommend considering the impact of a new partner on children in a divorced family, advocating for consistent communication, stability, and quality time with both parents to alleviate stress and promote healthy relationships between all family members.
