Strengthening Sibling Relationships: Strategies to Keep the Bond Secure
As parents grow older and eventually pass away, the relationships between siblings often undergo significant change, becoming more complex and emotionally charged. This transformation is influenced by family dynamics, caregiving roles, unresolved tensions, and grief.
Key ways sibling relationships change include:
- Increased significance as memory keepers and emotional support: With parents aging or passing away, siblings often become the primary holders of shared family history and traditions. This shared history and mutual support can deepen bonds and make siblings key sources of mental health and life satisfaction in later life.
- Caregiving challenges can reveal or exacerbate sibling dynamics: The caregiving years for aging parents often bring dormant rivalries to the surface related to responsibilities or recognition. Some siblings may cooperate and develop new respect, while unequal burden-sharing and differing caregiving approaches can create conflict.
- Strained or broken relationships after parental death: The death of a parent, especially the last surviving one, can lead to estrangement or cooling of relationships. Longstanding tensions may come to a head, often triggered or worsened by disputes over inheritance or caregiving decisions.
- Grief and shifting family roles: The loss of a parent or sibling alters family roles and responsibilities, which can pressure siblings either to fill gaps left by the deceased or to redefine their relationships. Grieving siblings might feel emotional challenges such as comparisons to lost siblings or pressure to carry on family traditions.
- Adult sibling therapy as a support option: In cases of longstanding tension, therapy focused on adult sibling relationships can help identify and untangle patterns, fostering insight, emotional awareness, and sometimes reconciliation, though the process can involve confronting painful truths and grief.
Sibling relationships can vary greatly, ranging from close friendships to minimal communication, estrangement, or active estrangement. In some cases, the death of a parent can lead to a major explosion in the relationship, often due to long-existing tensions that have never been addressed or disputes about the estate and inheritance.
Resources like the online program "More Fun with Brothers and Sisters" can help parents learn how to strengthen the sibling bond. Psychotherapist Christina Steinorth-Powell reconnected with her brother after their mother's death due to a hospital stay and working through the estate.
According to Geoffrey L. Greif, a professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work, about 15% to 20% of people consider their siblings close friends, while more often there's "ambivalence and ambiguity" in sibling relationships. Mark Henick, a Canadian mental health advocate, suggests that maintaining contact with siblings, even through small gestures like sharing memories or jokes, can prevent relationships from fading.
Avidan Milevsky, author of "Sibling Issues in Therapy" and a research scientist at Ariel University in Israel, states that the sibling dynamic is powerful and can be the longest relationship one has. Maintaining and nurturing these relationships, even during challenging times, can provide emotional support, shared history, and a sense of continuity in life.
- As the aging process and eventual death of parents affect family dynamics, siblings may find themselves taking on roles as memory keepers and emotional supporters, strengthening their bonds and contributing significantly to each other's mental health and overall well-being in their later years.
- In some cases, the passing of a parent, particularly the last surviving one, may lead to a breakdown in sibling relationships due to unresolved tensions, disputes over inheritance, or caregiving decisions, which can have negative impacts on their mental health and overall well-being, under the broader umbrella of health-and-wellness.
